Cancer has turned me into a hypochondriac! Which is a far departure to my pre-cancer days. Now if I wake up with a toe cramp I’m like….what is this? Should I google symptoms of foot cancer? Could it be a reaction to the chemo? Or maybe it could just be a damn toe cramp. My oncologist for sure wishes me never gave me his cell phone number because I shoot him some pretty graphic texts whenever I feel necessary. He gave me permission to do this, he also told me that if I give his cell phone number out that my phone would explode. Have I mentioned to you that I am the youngest patient he has currently? So I have a pretty great relationship with the whole office. I am my usual obnoxious self, except on the days that I drag my feet in there to get some fluids.
Anyway, before cancer I never went to the doctor. If I was sick, I just battled through that shit. I went for my routine exam with my gynecologist and that was about it. Because how can mom have time to be sick? She can’t. The show must go on. I also am an idiot and have this thing with showing weakness, I just don’t like it. So I will push and push and push until I almost break. No need to tell me how unhealthy that it, lots of things have changed. But in the past I always put everyone else’s needs before my own, as I am sure most mothers do.
Now when it comes to our kids, no f****** way right? They cough at school and somehow our spidey senses know it the second they jump in the car at pick up. When they have a fever we monitor that shit like the plague. Dentist appointments? Made so far in advance that you have to buy next years calendar. You know every spirit day at school, what color uniforms they have to wear for home and away soccer games, hell you even know that three kids in the class have food allergies so you are mindful not to send in party treats that would sound alarms.
But are you listening to your body? Are you slowing down enough to think about yourself? Or are you just pounding one more coffee and hoping the get to a glass of wine and bedtime?
Chris always says now I am making up for all the doctors appointments I didn’t make in the last 12 years. Now I am in a doctors office at least once a week. But you know what? I always know where my health stands, so when I go home that is one less thing I am thinking about. I can feel good knowing that I am taking care of myself. This seems crazy but, I have been happier and less stressed in so many areas since being diagnosed with cancer. It could be that so many petty stupid things that used to send me into a rage, no longer phase me. It could be that I now know that if I cannot take care of myself, then I cannot take care of my kids. And there is nothing more heartbreaking then not being physically able to care for your own children.
This doesn’t have to just do with breast cancer, although it’s a new month and a new year so know your boobs! Mental health can be so important too. I was/am notorious for making time excuses, I don’t have time to work out, I don’t have time for date nights, I don’t have time to keep in touch with friends. Well make time! Reprioritize your life to include the things that make you happy, the things that make you YOU!
These were hard lessons for me the past couple months. I have always just taken care of everything. I didn’t even think twice about it, I just put my head down and pushed forward. But it isn’t healthy, and in the end it truly benefits no one if mom is running around like a chicken with her head cut off, doing everything, but stressed and unhappy while doing it. Make yourself a priority this year!
And you know what? This sweater set makes me happy!
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